Navigating Uncertainty: Finding Stability in the Midst of the Unknown

Uncertainty is an inherent part of the human experience. Life is filled with all sorts of twists, turns and unexpected challenges. While some people are more able to tolerate uncertainty, those of us who struggle with anxiety tend to be very intolerant of uncertainty. We can’t stand not knowing and not being able to see the future. In an ambiguous or unpredictable situation, the brain is going to look for clues in the environment, things it knows from past experience are associated with threat or safety. If this is unsuccessful, and the brain can’t tell what is dangerous and what isn’t, then anything could seem like a threat. Think about it - this actually makes a lot of sense! It's like the old saying “better be safe than sorry”. However, this isn't always helpful, particularly in a dysregulated nervous system with lots of stored survival stress. That dysregulated system is already primed and hypervigilant to danger, so the added uncertainty is a massive trigger for anxiety. When dysregulated and faced with uncertainty, we feel unsafe and out of control. Not knowing what to do, not knowing what’s going to happen, not knowing what other people are thinking and feeling—these things are highly distressing for those of us with a dysregulated nervous system that is stuck in fight-or-flight.

While we unfortunately can’t eliminate uncertainty from our lives, we can learn how to better navigate it and find a greater sense of stability - even in the midst of the unknown - and I'm here to help you with that.

Coping With Uncertainty

We often turn to worry as a way of coping with uncertainty. We try to predict the future and prepare ourselves for the worst, so that there are no surprises. However, worrying only gives us the illusion of certainty. It doesn’t actually change the outcome of what happens in life. Life continues to be as uncertain and unpredictable as ever, no matter how much you worry. Plus, the more we worry, the more anxious we feel, so it’s a bit of a lose-lose situation.

That said, there are other options. Instead of getting caught up in the worry trap, we can focus on cultivating more acceptance of uncertainty. This does not mean liking or wanting uncertainty. It also doesn’t mean that we’re giving up. It means acknowledging that uncertainty exists and making room for this reality, and maybe even working toward befriending uncertainty. Learning to accept uncertainty will not make our need for certainty disappear, but it will save us time and energy when we let go of trying to control the uncontrollable. It can also help to reduce our levels of anxiety.

Of course, this process is easier said than done - transformation takes time, but it is doable with time, patience and practice. The good news is that there are probably many ways you already accept uncertainty in your day to day life, and you might not even realize it. Each time you cross a street, get behind the wheel of a car, or eat takeout or restaurant food you're accepting a level of uncertainty. You're trusting that the traffic will stop, you won't have an accident, and everything you're eating is safe. See, look at you go! Already practicing these skills and you didn't even know it.

To build on this and all of the other ways you already accept uncertainty, try the following steps the next time you notice the need for certainty:

1. Self-compassion: Dealing with chronic anxiety can be incredibly challenging and painful. Be gentle with yourself as you acknowledge and normalize your need for certainty. Recognize that it's okay to feel uncertain and acknowledge that your emotions are valid. Remember, it makes sense - YOU make sense. Self-compassion creates a nurturing inner environment that fosters resilience

2. Notice: With a foundation of self-compassion, take note of your thoughts, feelings, sensations and behaviours when you are needing certainty (e.g. “I’m telling myself how terrible or unbearable not knowing is”; “I’m seeking reassurance”; “I’m getting this agitated and restless feeling that comes with not knowing what will happen”; “I’m worrying about things I can’t be certain of”; “I can’t make a decision because I need to be sure of the outcome first”.)

3. Allow: Instead of giving in to behaviours you usually engage in when needing certainty, try pausing and simply observe the thoughts, feelings and sensations that are arising. Allow yourself to feel the discomfort of uncertainty. Like all emotions, if you allow yourself to feel fear and uncertainty, they will eventually pass.

4. Let Go: Respond to the “what-if’s” running through your head by acknowledging that you're not a fortune teller; you don't know what will happen. All you can do is let go and accept the uncertainty as part of life.

5. Be Present: Uncertainty is often centered on worries about the future and all the bad things you can anticipate happening. Instead of trying to predict what might happen, switch your attention to what's happening right now. Bring your attention to the present moment by ‘orienting’. Orienting helps to bring ourselves into the present moment by using all of our senses to engage with our surroundings. Use your senses—touch, taste, smell, sight, and sound— with a sense of interest and curiosity to anchor your awareness in the here and now.

6. Refocus: While there may be factors beyond your control, focus on the aspects of your life that you can influence. Accepting uncertainty doesn’t mean not having a plan. Directing your energy towards actionable steps empowers you to take charge in the face of uncertainty.

Building Tolerance of Uncertainty

In addition to accepting uncertainty, another helpful strategy is to practice building your tolerance and comfort level with uncertainty. This means slowly and intentionally facing your fear of not knowing, over and over, until it feels less distressing. For example, you may try watching a TV show or movie without knowing anything about it. Or, you may go out with a friend and let them make all of the plans. The idea here is to slowly and gradually expose yourself to situations where there is uncertainty, so that you can start getting used to dealing with it. It’s best to start small. That way, you are more likely to do it and to succeed. If you pick something too difficult, you might be unable to do it and you probably won’t want to try it again.

Building Resilience

As you learn to tolerate and be more accepting of uncertainty, you will come to see just how resilient and strong you really are. Ultimately, we can’t predict or control what will happen in life, but we can learn to be flexible and adaptable. And who knows, you might even find this process to be liberating! Remember, it’s not always easy and there will likely be bumps along the way, but every day you accept uncertainty, you are one step closer to becoming free from anxiety.